Attraction and Love Formulas

By July 14th, 2009

by: Dr. Dennis W. Neder I’ve been promoting a new concept on my show that has been very successful in explaining how attraction and love work. I call these them (collectively) “The Formula”. Is there really a “formula” for attraction and love? Yes, there is. I discovered them when I was working on what sorts of approaches work best with what sorts of women. Now, keep in mind that these are formulas for women, not men. Guys have a totally different formula and if you’re good, one day soon I’ll publish those for you girls. What’s the benefit of knowing these formulas? For any guy that is serious about meeting women, creating relationships and even managing ones they already have, the benefits are huge. In fact, it’s in these very formulas that I see the greatest number of mistakes being made by men. To wit; here are the formulas: 1) The “Attraction Fomula”: Interest + Rapport and Connection = Attraction 2) The “Love Formula”: Attraction + Safety and Security + Greater Connection = Love They can also work in reverse: 1) The “Loss of Love Formula”: Love – Loss of Connection – Loss of Safety and Security = Attraction 2) The “Loss of Attraction Formula”: Attraction – Loss of Rapport and Connection = Interest So, what exactly do these mean? Let’s start with attraction first. What you need to know is that in order for women to be attracted to you, you have to start with some interest. Now the biggest reason why most men don’t approach women is simple: they believe that there’s no automatic interest on the part of the woman – and that may be true. What they don’t get however is that interest is something that can be created! Think about this: let’s say that you are even reasonably interesting or of even average attractiveness. In fact, you don’t even have to be average – you can be below average if you combine them together! A simple, reasonable approach can create “interest” in your target. It’s really pretty simple and is based on the very common understanding that people have a natural need to connect with others. Thus, if you know this, (and now you do!) you can always create attraction from your simple approach. The next step is in building that up to attraction and the key components are “rapport” and “connection”. What are these? Rapport is defined as “harmonious or sympathetic relation”. Think about that for a minute. How do you build harmonious or sympathetic relation? By playing to those things in your target that are the same or with which she can sympathize. It’s that simple! Of course, the more complicated question is how you do that. In my books, “Being a Man in a Woman’s World I & II”, I teach 4 different Communication Systems. It’s through these communication systems that you build rapport. By either being the same as (matching) her systems or in other cases, countering them (differing), you turn her interest into attraction. Some people use these intuitively and others “stumble upon” them but far more have to learn and practice them. Of course, if they work this well, that effort is more than worth it – and it is! Connection comes automatically by how well your target relates to you. Obviously, if you build great rapport with her, she’s going to begin relating right off the bat and in fact, this is where attraction comes from. I can’t tell you how many women I’ve talked to that said, “You know, the more I talked to him, the more attracted I became!” Now you know why. In the second formula, the “Love Formula”, you have to add a few components, but again, it’s simple to use effectively. One key aspect of this formula is that this is likely a primary goal of your target – to be in love. Thus, even without knowing it, she’ll be more than ready to help you get there! All you need to do is provide the other key elements which are: Safety means creating a place or environment where your target feels safe with you. This isn’t just location, although location is one important part. That’s why it’s almost impossible for you to get a woman to focus on you when she’s being stalked by a jealous ex-husband; unless she sees you as her protector. Security comes from believing that she can reasonably accept the risks you pose in her getting hurt emotionally. As you grow your investment in her, she (hopefully) will do the same. Now think about this: how many guys have you heard of that have done all the supposed “right things” such as taking her out on expensive dates, buying her expensive gifts, taking her on expensive trips, etc., only to find that she falls out of (or worse, never fell into) love with him? This happens all the time, right? Do you want to know why? It’s simple: when you over-invest; that is, investing without getting back some investment from her at an equal rate, she begins to believe that you have to work this hard because you have nothing else to offer. This means that she’s never going to get the place where she feels the risk and thus, doesn’t need your security! Thus, love will never come for her. Once you create both safety and security within her mind, all you need to do is back it up with some more connection and bingo, she falls in love! I think you’re getting the picture of just how important these formulas are! If you really learn them and practice them, you’ll have a tool to build any level of attraction or love within any woman you want. Likewise, you’ll be able to remove it too. Your choice. Best regards… About The Author Dr. Neder is known around the world as a tough, but fair relationship expert, dealing with all sorts of dating, sex and relationship issues from a man’s perspective. He has written 14 books (“Being a Man in a Woman’s World™” series) and is working on 2 others. He’s also written hundreds of articles, answered over 26,000 reader/viewer questions and has been on over a thousand radio and TV shows. “Dr. Dennis” is funny, direct and intuitive and has a unique ability to get right to the heart of the issue. Do you have a burning question that needs an answer? Are you a man that wants to better experiences with women, or a woman that wants to better understand men? To learn more, go to and You can also follow his micro-blog at:

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